Paul Thomas Satirised

Lunatic blogger breaks Internet silence to slag off Ryanair and their cheap flights to Ireland

Cheap flights to Ireland via Ryanair? My arse. It's well known that cattle complain about being herded 'like Ryanair passengers'. 

Is Steve Coogan past it?

Look, I liked Alan Partridge as much as the next man, but I really think that Steve Coogan's latest series is really milking a dead goat. Who'd now think his latest impersonation of a self-righteous former DJ (seen here) would bear any relationship to reality?  

A Completely Serious And Totally Unsarcastic Blog Post

I have recently been accused of being an alien lifeform, a child, a troll, a twat, a bit of a creep and even worse a BBC TV Producer (The last probably came about because I claimed to be a BBC TV Producer). So I suppose I better take the opportunity to defend myself to the associated members of the facebook group 'People, who Already think that Matt Smith IS gonna suck as the 11th Dr' who I seem to have inadvertently insulted. So here it goes

Q. Why did I join and post on a group which I disagreed with?

Because I disagreed with it. The group was openly advertised and was available for anyone to join. I found it when I did a search on Facebook for 'Matt Smith, Doctor'. The Facebook group said "

This is an open group. Anyone can join and invite others to join.". So I did

Q. No, but seriously, why did you join?

A. Because I seriously disagreed with it. I read in the opening description 'wow it's gonna be a dark time to be a Dr. Who Fan, cause this guy is a gimp'. Now, I have a question here, what is a gimp? According to Google Answers a gimp is "A narrow flat braid or rounded cord of fabric used for trimming' which would be a pretty damning reason for someone not to play the Doctor. But quite clearly, Matt Smith isn't a type of fabric. I have also seen that Matt Smith " looks like a hermaphrodite experiment gone terribly wrong" and "he looks simian.like he should be in a small cage having washing up liquid drip fed into his eyes'. From what I can gather, this group cannot actually articulate exactly why they don't like Matt Smith, and have instead resorted to a series of meaningless insults (much the same as a letter in the Daily Mail once complained the Fellowship of the Ring was a bad film because 'the bad guys looked like the Taliban'). I thought this was too good an opportunity to waste, so I decided that what this group needed was some good old fashioned satire.

Q. But Matt Smith is like young and not experienced and stuff like that.

A. Good. Casting an unknown might restore some much needed mystery to the show. My trouble with the recent series was that I knew Christopher Ecclestone and David Tennant too well and it seemed like all the major plot points (arrival of the Master, Davros etc.) were given out long before the actual shows. The show badly needs to restore at least some mystery - casting an unknown seems at least one way to go about.

Q. But can a 19 year old really have the authority of the Doctor?

A. Well he's not 19 but I see what you mean. If he doesn't, then that might be an interesting twist. A 900 year old who looks 26 trying to get himself taken seriously might make for some interesting plot developments. But trying to suggest that a 26 year old can't play an ancient timelord is, in some respects, like arguing that an ancient blue Police Box can't possibly be a time travelling device - it misses the point.

Q. Why should I care what an unemployed ex-TV Producer who still lives with his mum thinks?

A. I'm not a TV producer who lives with his mum. I lied about that. I don't work for the BBC (but I do work) and I live with my partner in a very nice top floor flat in Cheltenham. So there.

 

Blogger denies superiority complex

Not content with my own blog, I've now only gone and formed my own bleedin' country, would you believe it? Visit the Democratic Republic of Cavyland.

Be Seeing You.

Patrick McGoohan 1929-2009.

You could not be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed or numbered. Your life was your own.

Apparently there's a credit crunch on...

 News of which has not filtered through to Mr Barclays who insists on sending me letters telling me that I'm guaranteed a loan of £12,000.